Almost everything you need to know about pet care.
I’ve got turtle-recall.
Christine Riley tells some turtle tales:
Behold the turtle. He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out. And so let the turtle tales commence…
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Raymond, decided to go on a picnic. Joe packed the picnic basket with cookies, bottles of coke and sandwiches. The picnic site was 2km away, so the turtles took 10 days to get there. By the time they did arrive, everyone was exhausted. Joe took the things out of the basket, one by one. He took out the cokes and said, ‘Alright, Steve, give me the bottle-opener.’ ‘I didn’t bring the bottle opener,’ Steve said. ‘I thought you packed it.’ Joe got worried. He turned to Raymond. ‘Raymond, do you have the bottle opener?’ Raymond didn’t have it either, so the turtles were stuck 2km away from home without cokes. Joe and Steve begged Raymond to turn back home and retrieve it, but Raymond flatly refused, knowing that they’d eat everything by the time he got back. After about two hours, the turtles managed to convince Raymond to go, swearing on their great-grandturtles’ graves that they wouldn’t touch the food. So, Raymond set off down the road, slowly and steadily. Twenty days passed, but no Raymond. Joe and Steve were hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passed, and still no Raymond. After three more days went by without Raymond in sight, Steve started getting restless. ‘I NEED FOOD!’ he said, with a hint of dementia in his voice. ‘NO!’ Joe stood firm. ‘We promised.’
Five more days passed. Joe realised that Raymond had probably skipped out to the pub down the road, so the two turtles weakly lifted the lid, got a sandwich, and opened their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Raymond popped out from behind a rock, and said, ‘Just for that, I’m not going.’
# A doctor and an old man were discussing Bush’s healthcare ideas. The old man said, ‘Well, ya know, old Bush is a post turtle.’ So, not knowing what he meant, the doctor asked him what a ‘post turtle’ was. And he said, ‘When you’re driving down a country road, and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post turtle. You know he didn’t get there by himself, he doesn’t belong there, he can’t get anything done while he’s up there, and you just want to help the poor thing down.’
# There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river. For no reason, the turtle reached over and bit the elephant’s tail, really hard. Years later, the same elephant, now grown up, was by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wandered up.
The elephant reared back a leg and kicked the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. ‘Why did you do that?’ the giraffe asked. ‘When we were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason,’ the elephant replied. ‘Wow! You must have a good memory!’ exclaimed the giraffe. ‘Yep!’ said the elephant. ‘I’ve got turtle-recall.’
# Two turtles crossing the road hit each other head on and were both knocked unconscious. The policeman who was summoned to investigate the accident tried to find a witness, but only found a snail nearby. ‘Did you see the accident?’ the officer asked. ‘Can you tell me what happened?’ ‘Yes I saw it,’ replied the snail, ‘but it all happened so fast!’
# Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. ‘Dear,’ she chirped, ‘I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.’
Q: What did the snail say when he rode on the turtle’s back?
Q. What was the turtle doing on the motorway?
Q. Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
And that’s where we’ll leave this…